Reborn
"It is said that women in labor leave their bodies ... they go out into the stars to collect their babies, and return to this world together" -Anonymous
🛁Having birthed un-medicated at home in a tub in my bedroom - I know this is true. Giving birth to my second son was the most amazing experience of my life. It was also the most painful, challenging, and powerful experience I've ever had. Laboring is like being hypnotized. I could feel everything in my body and in the room, but I was also outside my body looking in. For most of my 2 hour and 40 minute active labor, I was unable to speak, but my thoughts were clear. Every sound was amplified, especially the sound of my own voice. I was positive I was screaming! On the video I'm mostly whispering with a grunt or two at the peak of a contraction.
🤱🏼My contractions were about a minute long with about twice that time in between. I rode the waves of pain. And the pain was intense. I kept telling myself, "you can do ANYTHING for a minute". The in between was euphoric. My husband thought I was sleeping in between contractions. I assure you I was not. I was not in the room though. I was somewhere in the in-between. In a trance. I could hear and sense some of what was happening around me, but just barely. When I read this quote for the first time, I was like "ohhh that's where I was!". It was divine. And spiritual. And unlike any experience I have ever had before. My first son was born after a lengthy and unnecessary induction, 12 hours of active labor - 4 of which was pushing, and ultimately an emergency c-section.
🤔Once again, I had medical professionals telling me I couldn't deliver this baby. I started therapy to heal the trauma of my first son's birth and I had been manifesting the labor and delivery I desired. This (and several interventions by the Universe) led to me switching to home birth at 36 weeks. Some of my friends thought I was being crazy and risky. And for most of them it was that they were afraid for me and my baby. Even my husband was truly petrified. But he trusted my instinct through his fears. I also had my fears as well. But I felt called to home birth. I visualized. My Coven suggested I write down what my ideal labor and birth would look like. I know these two women are intuitive and powerful and honor my power even when I can't see it. And I trusted them. So I wrote it. I read it every day over that last month of pregnancy.
🤱🏼Even though my labor was short, there came a point when I thought I could not go on. I'll never forget feeling like I could not tolerate another second of that pain. I looked at one of my three incredible midwives and roared mid contraction "I need this to be dooooonnnnnee!". She assured me we were almost there. Transition. They call it that for a reason. This is a time for letting go. Relinquishing any control I thought I had. Surrender. The old me dying and the new me reborn. When my son emerged from my body I pulled him up to my chest and sat back in disbelief. He was the result of a divine collaboration between The Universe and I. I cried out "I really did it!!"
🌌Ever since learning about the Laws of Attraction, I have been able to help others manifest their desires. I love helping others acknowledge and honor their power and hold space for them as they come into their own. However, I have quite often struggled to manifest for myself in the past. I think part of it has been a self worth issue - the belief and fear that I didn't deserve good things. However, I did this. I brought this perfect little 10.2lb human with a 15 inch head earthside. At home. On my terms. I am capable. I am safe. I am loved. I am powerful. I am worthy. Anything I see in my mind I can hold in my hand. I am a Master Manifester! With the birth of my second son, I was reborn. I know I deserve Nothing But Good Things. And I'm so grateful to those who held space for me knowing these facts before I could own them as my truth.
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