For over 10 years, I felt a deep call to walk the fire. Fear, apprehension, and insecurity kept me from answering it for so long. But if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I can do hard things. I can face my fears, look them square in the eye, and walk right through them. On the other side of those fears, I’ve always found freedom, growth, and gifts I could never have imagined.
I’ve walked through metaphorical fires many times in my life:
Working through birth trauma to experience the birth of my dreams
Getting sober
Starting a business
Healing my inner child
Every time, the things I thought would break me turned out to be my greatest teachers, giving me opportunities to heal and grow in ways I didn’t know I needed.
I’ve shared my experiences walking over burning coals before. But today, I want to share a story that intertwines firewalking with a major chapter in my life.
Manifesting My Dream Home
The last six weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. For the last 6–8 months, I’d been actively manifesting the purchase of my first home. I wasn’t just dreaming about it—I was preparing for it. I purged belongings, packed away things we didn’t use often, and created space for what I knew was coming.
On a whim, I rented a dumpster on October 10th and told my husband, “We’re showing the universe—and our current home—that we’re ready to move.”
The dumpster arrived at 9 a.m. the next day, October 11th. By 10:30 a.m., my realtor (who is also a dear friend) sent me a text:“Hi! Guess what just came back on the market?”
It was the only house my husband had fallen in love with during our search.
We viewed the house the very next day and put in an offer immediately. Three weeks later, we closed. Less than two weeks after that, we moved into my dream home.
Grief and Gratitude
Leaving our apartment of eight years brought up a wave of emotions. It had been our home through so much life—growth, healing, challenges, and triumphs. As I packed, I felt immense gratitude for all that space had given us, but also profound grief for what we were leaving behind. On the anniversary of my first firewalk, I was invited to another firewalking event. The theme? Grief and Gratitude. Could there have been a more perfect alignment?
Last Friday, I attended the event, and it was an experience I’ll never forget. I cried—tears of grief, allowing myself to mourn what I was letting go. I also cried tears of gratitude for the incredible life I am living.
As the night progressed, the skies opened up, and rain poured down. It felt as though the universe itself was releasing with us.
When it came time to walk, I approached the glowing red coals, took a deep breath, and stepped forward with intention. Each step was purposeful, each moment grounding.
One of the most beautiful parts of the evening was walking and dancing across the coals hand-in-hand with my friend, a sister of choice. That shared moment of strength and connection might just be my favorite firewalk memory yet.
I walked two more times that night, and honestly, I could have walked a million times.
Thanksgiving and Reflection
As I process the last six weeks of releasing and welcoming, I can’t help but reflect on how perfect it is that this all happened right before Thanksgiving.
This week marks 18 years since I came home from being in active addiction—a story I’ll share another day.
For now, I am holding space for grief as it continues to come in waves. But I am also anchored in gratitude—for this magical, messy, beautiful life that is mine, and for every fire I’ve walked through to get here.
What fires have you walked through this year? What grief and gratitude are you holding as the holidays approach? I’d love to hear your stories.
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